I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
