East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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