and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
