Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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