I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
