The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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