lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
