the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
