My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
