belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
