Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
