i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
