If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
