you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
