I want to make a zoo with you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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