Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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