i just google imaged poop.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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