Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
