just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
