Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
