someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
