Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
