Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
