mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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