All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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