apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
