barbara walters just said penis...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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