That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
