so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
