I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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