I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
