The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
