Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
