we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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