carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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