Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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