Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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