This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
