small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
