yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
