Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
