Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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