I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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