he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
