Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
