okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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