I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
