so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
