We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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