If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
