Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
