Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
