It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
