Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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