were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
