Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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