sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Life is so much better after having sex.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
